Affe #194

About Affe mit Waffe Deprecated

Romero Caramack saw it coming. Despite a committed attempt to avoid the incoming projectile by rolling to the left, he was unable to avoid the deadly blow. He hadn't expected the branch he was sitting on to be so slippery and nimble dodging wasn't his forte. He was a slow lori, a nocturnal species. As such, he would instinctively freeze and cover his face when spotted. Dodging required some extra mental effort and often didn't produce the desired result. He was still mulling over his unfortunate move as he fell from his vantage point in the treetop. As the ground rapidly approached, his short and comfortable life passed right before his eyes. Well, until recently it hadn't been very pleasant. But nothing mattered anymore. He hit the ground, which was made of lava – not literally, but figuratively. The thick layer of leaves on the ground made for a softer landing...

Those were the rules of "Quak", a game Romero and his fellow apelings had been enjoying a lot lately. The name was inspired by the ducks that swam the pond in the middle of their playground, or the "map" as they called it. A deep tropical forest surrounding the small pond made it almost impossible to spot players and opponents. The rules were relatively simple: Each team chose one side of the pond as their territory. Deep in the forest at their "base" they planted a banana on a stick. The goal was to capture the other team's banana and bring it to home base without being intercepted. A player was not allowed to move for 20 seconds after touching the ground. Everything from tackling to tossing objects at opponents to throw them off balance was legitimate and counted as one point for the successful attacker. An older monkey usually acted as a referee to make sure things didn't get out of hand. The game quickly attracted attention and many spectators sat in the trees and cheered on their favorite primates. To distinguish the players, teams wore small red or blue shorts. There were many possible tactical moves. The quickest way to the enemy base was to jump across the pond. However, this was also the easiest way to be discovered. Romero was just as bad at jumping as he was at fast movements.

Though handicapped in some ways, he had some serious skills that made him a formidable opponent. His success had even earned him the nickname "Commander Caramack". Above all, Romero aimed using his sense of smell. This was confusing because of his large eyes; his opponents always assumed his eyesight to be his greatest weapon and avoided confronting him at night. In fact, he could barely see anything, but he could smell a dried banana peel from over two kilometers away. Therefore, in the early rounds of the game, everyone on the other team was quite surprised when Romero was able to spot them with deadly accuracy even during the day. Of course, errors occurred too. He had once mistaken a raccoon for a young macaque because both had a habit of raiding the local dumpsters and smelled similar. The unsuspecting raccoon was quite surprised when Romero snuck up behind him and hit him on the head with a stick. His fiercest weapon, however, was his venomous bite. This was unique among primates. He didn't usually use it because the poison was released by licking a sweat gland on his arm, which wasn't the most attractive thing to do during the game. He didn't want to jeopardize his reputation. In addition, his mother had forbidden him to bite other monkeys, and if the referee would notice such a move, Romero would certainly be disqualified. In the end he usually focused on moving quietly and very slowly towards the other team's banana and blending into the landscape. His pincer-like grip allowed him to hold onto branches for a long time. This came in handy since his favorite strategy was to wait for unsuspecting victims and hit them with whatever he could get his tiny hands on. The other monkeys had a word for it. To them he was a "camper". Romero didn't care as long as he had a good success rate.

Twenty seconds had finally passed – it was time for a respawn. Romero hoped to score a few more points before his mother would call him to dinner. From her point of view, this new form of entertainment was unhealthy and would only give her son square eyes and a concussion.

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