Affe #206

About Affe mit Waffe Deprecated

David J. Vervefeller's life could have been very different. Luckily, he hadn't followed the example of his father, who made a living from snake oil – which had never seen a real snake – as a traveling monkey posing as a deaf-mute peddler. In addition to the oil that his father had offered as a miracle cure, he had a whole arsenal of herbal remedies in his range to sell. a small part of David's success in his early employment could be attributed to following his father's advice to "trade dishes for platters", of course with the main intention of always getting the better part of any deal at the end. But it was his mother's motto, "willful waste makes woeful want", that would set him on the path to ultimate success. His mother taught him that everything, absolutely everything in the Monkeyverse had a use and a value, all he had to do was discover it and find the monkey willing to pay the appropriate amount of banana coins. He might seem a bit odd to other primates, as geniuses tended to be, but as the founder of arguably the most powerful company in the Monkeyverse, it was easy for many to overlook this fact. He laid the groundwork for the most colossal primatic fortune of any monkey society, generated by a fundamental and often overlooked natural ingredient...

David started out as an accounting monkey at a small trading firm called Howler & Titi, learning the ins and outs of the commodities business. His main interest was shipping delicate fruits such as bananas and berries. Not the goods, but the negotiations about transportation rates and discounts appealed to him. During his negotiations, he learned that transportation rates depended heavily on the conditions and timing of the cargo. For some fruit, delivery had always been urgent to avoid spoilage, and the ability to negotiate prices was severely limited by time constraints. However, one fruit was an exception to this rule – the coconut. While they might spoil, healthy whole coconuts could keep for up to four months at room temperature. This allowed more time leeway for shipping. In addition, David discovered that if the coconuts were dried, their shelf life could be extended even further. Unfortunately, the demand for dried coconut in the Monkeyverse was rather low. His fellow primates preferred buying the fresh fruit at a premium price rather than gnawing on discounted dried coconut chips. But David heeded his mother's advice and found a solution here too: By dissolving the dried coconut in hexane, a by-product of the rather useless petroleum refinery some monkey scientists were working on at the same time, the process resulted in coconut oil and a high-protein, fiber-rich pulp. David began marketing the pulp as a healthy diet food for ruminant primates to lose weight, but the real benefit was in the coconut oil.

Working with several leading health authorities in the Monkeyverse, he developed a wide range of uses for the oil. The high saturated fat content made it an ideal ingredient for cosmetics and personal care. It was said to improve the health and shine of the hair. It does not burn the eyes and can be used to brush your teeth. In addition, the oil was edible and had a nutty flavor. As food, it was able to increase brain function and as a quick source of energy, increase efficiency. It had a positive effect on digestion and promoted gut health while helping the body absorb fat-soluble vitamins and trace elements. In this way, small apelings could be fed and groomed at the same time. It was so successful that in many households of educated primates, the nightly ritual for apelings was to smear them with a good load of coconut oil. David decided to give his new company a name that emphasized the importance of his discovery: Standard Oil.

From that day on, David always carried around a bag of coconuts and gave them to everyone he met. Especially on his "Job Day" in September – the anniversary of his first working day in life – he gave away tons of coconuts. He considered this date more important than his birthday as his whole life seemed to depend on this event.

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