Affe #210

About Affe mit Waffe Deprecated

Mario Guenontendo was in a strange situation. All he could remember was going to bed last night. Nothing had been unusual. However, when he woke up this morning, he was no longer in his room. Not only was he lying outside under a blue sky and on a bright green grass plain, someone had taken his pajamas and put him in clothes that surely couldn't be from his closet - he wore a red long-sleeved shirt under an overall. The color combination was more than striking and Mario himself would never have chosen something like that.

A text in a frame suddenly appeared in midair in front of him. At this point at the latest, Mario knew that something was absolutely wrong here. He leaned forward to read the words: "One day, the Kingdom of the peaceful Shroom Monkeys was invaded by the Colooba Troopa, a tribe of Turtle Apes famous for their black magic. The quiet, peace-loving Shroom Monkeys were turned into mushrooms, and the Shroom Kingdom fell into ruin. The only one who can undo the magic spell on the Shroom Monkeys and return them to their normal selves is Princess Peaches Toalapool, the daughter of the Shroom King. Unfortunately, she is presently in the hands of the great Colooba Troopa King. You, the hero of this story, heard about the Shroom Monkey's plight and set out on a quest to free the Princess from the evil Colooba and restore the fallen Kingdom of the Shroom Monkeys. You are Mario! It's up to you to save the Shroom Monkeys from the black magic of the Colooba!"

A quick flash of thought shot through Mario's head: What an incredibly absurd story that was... Instead of rescuing a mushroom princess, he wanted to go home, but apparently it wasn't that easy. Most likely he dreamed all this and would wake up soon. He could pass the time pretending to free some monkeys, which turned into mushrooms. So, he started wandering in one direction with no fixed destination. He noticed that as he approached things he could interact with, the window screen would reappear with an explanation. As he reached a mystical stone cube floating in the air with a question mark painted on it, the text explained to him: "Jump and smash the brick with your head for a possible prize." Out of curiosity, Mario did as he was told and jumped – and woke up a few minutes later lying in the grass with a bad bump on his head. Whatever that dream was, the pain was pretty real, he thought, rubbing his aching forehead. To his astonishment, a golden disc as big as his palm lay beside him. The window reappeared: "This is a Shroom Coin, the currency in the Shroom Kingdom. Collect enough Shroom Coins through work or loans to redeem Princess Peach. Note, however, that interest rates on loans are not always the same." When he touched the gold coin, it disappeared and reappeared as a much smaller version in the pouch at his waist. Mario was sure that the bag hadn't been there a minute ago. Maybe getting a job was a good idea. If he smashed more blocks of stone with his head, he was sure, that would be the only work he could do in the future – just to pass the time, of course, until he woke up from this strange dream.

Mario quickly found that he seemed capable of many jobs: Not only was he a competent construction worker and could work as a carpenter and plumber, he was apparently a doctor too. That may be irrational enough in itself, but he discovered that he was also a racer, martial artist, and Olympic monkey athlete. Further he mastered monkey hitball, chimp soccer, peach basketball and monkey tennis. He himself was impressed by his abilities. All this was very entertaining, but it also posed a problem, although not for Mario. Who would want to rescue a princess when they could drive a racing car instead? Soon all former Shroom Monkeys and now enchanted mushrooms were horrified to realize that the promised hero had neither the time nor the inclination to save their kingdom.

And the end of the story? They all lived happily ever after – at least Mario Guenontendo, but maybe he was still collecting coins or riding down the rainbow bridge. After all, he was in no hurry. The princess wasn't going to run away from him – and of course it was all just a pastime until he finally woke up from this strange dream.

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