Affe #221

About Affe mit Waffe Deprecated

Neil Patastrong looked at the moon. The thought "Been there, done that" shot through his head. He sighed a little disappointed, because in the end everything had been for nothing.

Neil was a member of NACA, also known as the "National Advisory Chimpanzees for Aeronautics", but more importantly, he was an astronape and had spent a total of eight days and 14 hours in space. His last and so far most important task was the exploration of the moon.

NACA had been working towards the moon mission for many years and was well known in the Monkeyverse for this project. However, most of them did not know that NACA covered many other areas as well. Before primates could travel and explore space, they first had to conquer airspace. That in itself was difficult, since historically flying monkeys had always a bad reputation. Many voices said that if primates should fly, they would have been given wings. Despite all the obstacles, NACA was an organization that would oversee and direct the scientific investigation of adversities in flying monkeys. One of its duties was to recognize problems – which was not overly difficult, because it soon became apparent that monkeys in the air encountered many problems – to work them out experimentally, to discuss their solutions and in turn to apply the solutions to practical use. The space program was a difficult task for primates. It started with sitting still. Monkeys didn't like being strapped down and unable to move for long periods of time. However, this was important if a primate was to be shot into the sky like fireworks at New Year's. Other topics were training against nausea in the air and conflict resolution in a confined space. Probably the hardest part was food: An astronape could only eat 3.8 pounds of food a day. That didn't sound bad if the weight could be converted directly into banana bread, but this was not the case since the wrapping alone weighed a pound. NACA stored the food in individual packs, stowed for easy handling in zero-gravity space. Some foods could be eaten in their natural form, such as said banana bread and fruit, while other foods required the addition of water, such as spaghetti. It was strictly forbidden to fight over food with the other primates on the MSS, the "Monkeyverse Space Station".

Another lesser-known fact about NACA was that they also made satellites that would help monkey scientists learn more about Earth. They had sent probes into space to study things inside and outside the solar system. However, Earth was currently NACA's most studied planet – and there was no proven evidence that it was supported by four elephants standing on the back of a giant, as some fanatical tamarins claimed. Neil knew all too well, having orbited the blue sphere a number of times from space.

Nevertheless, even as a little apeling, his greatest goal had always been to reach the moon. Meanwhile, when he finally arrived on the moon, he was more than disappointed. First of all, it wasn't yellow, as it usually appeared so gloriously from Earth, everything was more of a gray on gray. Second, the surface was crumbly and gritty, not a bit creamy as Neil had imagined. So, when he was asked during his time on Earth's natural satellite to collect lunar dust in a bag that would later be examined by NACA, he had to face the hard fact – the moon wasn't made of cheese at all! It wasn't at all like they were told. What was the point of all the training and learning if nothing was as promised. He didn't even have to bring the packet of crackers he had secretly smuggled in his luggage. Standing on the moon, he fought hard against the greatest crisis of his life.

Neil Patastrong's heroic words while walking on the moon would later be broadcast across all media throughout the Monkeyverse, inspiring an entire generation of young primates. In reality, however, NACA decided to change the words slightly after the event – because the actual phrasing was: "One small step for apekind, one big disappointment for me."

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