Affe mit Waffe Deprecated
Owned by 0x023a…b67f
Alan Primo had a really terrible week, but it didn't surprise him. Everything had been foretold based on the constellation of his stars so that he could adequately prepare on the astral plane. He'd gone through the "10 Things to Ward Off Evil" checklist and followed it meticulously throughout the week. He also collected 21 palm leaves and tied them in a knot to form a garland. The garland was then to be waved around the affected primate, in this case himself, which he asked his wife to do. He took a pot and put the garland, a shoe, and a broom in it, leaving the items covered overnight. The next morning, he dumped the pot's contents at a crossroads after burning the garland away from his tree habitat. His wife scolded him, on the one hand she had to sacrifice a good broom, on the other hand she was fed up with the fact that he increasingly only owned one shoe out of a pair. Alan ignored his wife and, just to be safe, hung a lemon on a string next to green chili peppers on the tree they lived in to ward off negative energy. Now that everything was safely settled, he could devote himself to his work...
Alan was the Monkeyverse's most prominent astrologer and astrological data collector. He was often referred to as "The Elder of Modern Primate Astrology". He initiated the movement towards a more psychologically oriented horoscope analysis in astrology, arguing for a loose interpretation of possible trends in experience rather than the specific prediction of events. A monkey's mental state was easier to foretell than coincidence, mishap, or luck. Other methods such as reading coffee grounds or tea leaves were also very popular, probably also because of the biscuits eaten beforehand. Over time, Alan discovered that the credibility of a horoscope correlated strongly with the increasing number of mentions of bananas. His influence was described as a turning point in primate astrology, when he founded the "Monkey Astrologer's Magazine" which contained a tempting offer: A free horoscope was included with the magazine subscription. Within a short time, he was able to sell 4,000 subscriptions, an enormous success for a time when primates were still skeptical about predicting their fate from the stars. In addition to the free standard horoscope, a more extensive and detailed calculation could be requested for a fee – this became a bestseller. He now had to deliver this bestseller to his loyal subscribers for this week as well…
Leo: You have to work hard today to suppress your nature when someone comes to you with a banana. You know exactly how others would deal with a similar situation, but you have to make your own decisions and your own mistakes.
Virgo: The only thing you want on your mind today are bananas. Concentrate and don't dwell on small annoyances or small inconveniences. So, what if your lunchtime sandwich was just lettuce? Nothing is worse than endless whining.
Libra: Your enthusiasm runs as deep as a newborn apeling can climb, and you may feel a little annoyed that nobody offers you a banana for your feelings. Maybe you've been pulling that sad face a little too much lately.
Scorpio: Good control over your facial expression will help you hide your shocked surprise at lunch today. You most likely expected to receive much less, so the generosity of the offer caught you off guard. Still, you know you deserve it.
Sagittarius: Even if you have never picked up a musical instrument in your life, today you are filled with the urge to create something beautiful. You may have a latent talent that cries out for development. Who knows? However, it is advisable to start the first attempts in the absence of other monkeys.
Capricorn: You can never get enough good bananas, but today they don't stop there. But that happiness didn't come out of the blue – you know you've worked hard to reach this peak and you have every right to get a good bite.
Aquarius: No matter what you try, you just won't reach the banana. Maybe you're trying to take one big step at a time. Retreat, observe and re-strategize. You may need to call in reinforcements to help you climb the palm tree.
Pisces: An angel in primate form could come to your aid today. But maybe you won't find out until much later. When the bananas fall in your lap, realize that this is the result of the helping hand. Show gratitude when the time comes. Meanwhile, pass on some bananas.
Taurus: You've worked hard, but in your quest for success, make sure you don't lose sight of the fact that bananas aren't the most important thing in life. Instead of working for an uncertain yellow reward, why not put the same time and energy into caring for your apelings?
Gemini: You won't make much progress today trying to move ahead with your plans, so it's best to postpone being stuck on the same branch for a few days. You may not have the right attitude to do what you need to do, or you may just be too busy.
Cancer: A nap seems like a good idea, even if you're having a busy day. Your energy is low, and your motivation is even lower. Maybe you're annoyed by un-scored bananas, or maybe you're just exhausted. Whatever is going on, take care of yourself first. Errands can wait.
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