Affe #227

About Affe mit Waffe Deprecated

Felix Chlorocebus had an amazing conversation with himself in the bathroom. Anyway, that was the only thing he could remember first, waking up in the morning with a huge hangover. Luckily, he had apparently made it up his own tree, although he couldn't remember how. As he sorted through his belongings, concerned that he had lost something in the context of last night's escapades, he paused in astonishment. Yesterday he had left his tree habitat on purpose with only 20 banana coins so he wouldn't do anything stupid. This approach had obviously not been successful, and on top of that he found 120 banana coins instead in his pockets – that was something new. He discovered that his pockets also contained three lighters, two phones, and a key to a Bananamobile. Felix didn't smoke and he didn't own a vehicle either. As he checked his own phone to see if he had missed any calls or if his friends had left some messages for him, he realized that somehow, he had decided to rename all the contacts on his phone with their spirit animals. Who the hell was "Eternal Baby Chinchilla"?

It didn't help that a massive headache set in, and his stomach seemed to be determined to move upwards. Felix made his way to his kitchen, where the next surprise was awaiting him: The kitchen floor was scattered with more than a dozen half-eaten granola bars. Groaning and rubbing his aching skull, he vaguely remembered. An incredible craving for peanut butter had overwhelmed him last night and he had bitten into each granola bar until he had found the one with peanut butter flavor. He could have just read the labels. But with a glass of water, the bars weren't so bad even if they were bitten off and helped a bit against his hypoglycemia.

Then he found a letter from his friends on his kitchen table: "Hi Felix, we hope you got home safely, and Arthur has handed you this letter which he probably left on your kitchen table." Felix had no idea, who Arthur was, but he seemed to be a nice fellow to do this. He read on. "After you absolutely refused to accept that drinking Talapoquila Sunrise and Manga Tai in those quantities would be a bad idea, you were pretty much useless for the rest of the night. You embarrassed our whole bunch of monkeys with your public performance of "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands" while doing the truffle shuffle. Luckily you slipped and we carried you out of the bar. While we were on our way to another birthday party, you insisted that raw asparagus was a good hangover cure and decided to get a bundle. At the grocery store you also wanted to buy coconut rum as a birthday present, but because of your appearance and the smell of alcohol the monkeys in the store refused to sell it to you. At the birthday party, you stole the birthday crown from the host, went to another bar and got everyone there to buy you birthday drinks. Your overall situation didn't get any better, and we tagged along with you for safety reasons. You persuaded a talent scout that you can sing incredibly well, which we can't confirm after "If you're happy and you know it", and he will get in touch with you in the course of the next week. You also ordered a chamois because you thought it would be a suitable pet for a tree habitat as it can also climb around in the mountains. It should be delivered by the end of this week. As good friends we ordered the book "How do I keep a goat?" for you to read in advance. One question remains, and that is who Arthur is. At the end of the night, you didn't know where you lived anymore. That's why we handed you over to your favorite pizza delivery service, ordered a pizza Hawaii to your home, and let Arthur the delivery monkey take you home with the pizza. He was also kind enough to take this letter with him in return for a generous tip and you should have a Hawaiian pizza in your fridge. Have a good day. Sincerely, your friends and the best primates in the world."

For the rest of the afternoon, Felix mulled over the events of the previous evening over cold pizza and willow bark tea to ease his headache.

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